Warring Energies Win

Warring energies strangely often win. In all that we do, there is an opportunity to be fueled by both masculine and feminine energies that help us push up against challenges and pile-drive through barriers, while maintaining needed gaps for recovery.

Photos – Christmas Tree… 2018… gambling receipts… same party in 2021 – disorder far in past.

Imagine two hockey players vying for the puck; as their sticks push inward, one against the other, the players’ skates are propelled forward. Similarly, as one plods forth on a project, it is often when competition jumps onto the scene that we propel ourselves forward more quickly.

Yet life’s greater endeavors are not battles won in a day. An unrelenting “against” mode is bound to deplete all of our energy and resources. The concept of KindEdge evolved with this sort of Yin and Yang balance in mind. I realized how critical it was to pair the two forces and leverage the power they create together.

I’ve written about the genesis of KindEdge here, But I have not yet spoken to the concept of masculine and feminine forces working in tandem. It was near the end of two decades of living in disorder that I finally realized that too much of one, and too little of another could leave one frozen in space and time. When I met with difficulty I’d look books, gurus, and friends for guidance. However, we sometimes create a sort of echo chamber when we reach into a toolbox that we ourselves created. My already-feminine energy was attracted to the slow, safe, palliative appeal of meditation, mindfulness, and manadala coloring books to calm my nerves.

I naturally leaned hard on the wisdom of more feminine forces, spending all my time on healing and recovery of feelings and energies. I participated in workshops and programs that helped me explore new forms of creativity, breathing, and storytelling. All of the work I did was invaluable and it truly transformed the person that I am. However… they did not help me push on the world outside of my being. The disorder around me remained; I was simply more skilled at sustaining myself within it. Thank you sir, may I have another…

At some point, there are only so many massages, bubble baths, or journals that can see you through sustained metaphorical blows. I will always prioritize patience and peace, but life is a war of diminishing minutes to be protected to the death. I finally saw my repeated defeat and thought “My daddy didn’t raise no stupid girls or floor mats. I’ll be damned if I let some guy devalue y life.”

We must wrangle our our masculine energies and unearth our resolve to push hard, go up against, and declare a war on those who would deny us a fair go at life.

When I started to push back in little ways, I saw how aggressive and threatening was the response. Frankly, it was only by pushing hard that I was able to how ruthless some covert aggressors were in my life. My masculine energies helped me draw a red line and the minute it was crossed, I gained the clarity and confidence to make a g-d-damned mess out of my life in order to build a bridge to a better one. My prior self-reliance and pathologically-good behavior disappeared. My enemy was shocked when I finally let him shoot every bullet he had into the bottom of the boat. It was a messy, scary, exhausting swim to shore… but though he sank that boat, I’m now safely living a new life on a beautiful, sandy beach miles away from his disorder.

As we work to implement any change in our lives, big or small, we need doses of the feminine and masculine every day.

I saw more clearly how my dutiful compliance with others’ demands was a covert contract that had kept me frozen for years. I realized any time I pushed back, I was threatened with major life disruption. It was only when I accepted those threats of disruption, and lived through it, that I began to see my life truly change.

I lost a lot during a traumatic divorce. When the things I valued most were tossed aside or gambled away, I finally …

xxxENERGY: Masculine – push hard, fight…

Feminine… prioritize what feels good, be wise about the long-game, never let the tank go below empty.

Sub-stories… surgery… life or death… resolved to sleep 8 hours each night… and now I’m healthier than ever. – LINK TO VIDEO

End with story… christmas… had complied and endured and been controlled like a puppet… until boom… A Christmas Story and a Hero’s Journey… (Photo of me ’emancipating’) … use photo… change within – total self transoformation…

Screen shot of the gambling amount…